Kate
When my husband, Sonam Choephel, and I moved to Clitheroe in the north of England in 1995 we laid claim to him being the only Tibetan in Lancashire: there was one in Yorkshire, another in Merseyside, but we had to travel to London or Brighton to celebrate Losar or be amongst Tibetans.
We, like so many Western/Tibetan couples, had met in India: but ours was a story with a difference. Firstly I had learnt Tibetan before we met, and so our relationship evolved in the Tibetan language and secondly he was a Buddhist monk and I was a Buddhist nun when we first got acquainted.
Fast forward 25 years to the present day and there are many Tibetans here in the North of England, with many fascinating stories: here is a glimpse into ours.
In Sera Monsatery 1992.
I am centre left and my ( now) husband is left of me
I was a product of the 80s, a fiercely political, slightly punky, freewheeling feminist type. I had been living in London, studying at University College London, but it was during my year abroad in Italy that I first encountered Tibetan Buddhism. That experience, at L’Istituto Lama Tsong Khapa, set a new direction in my life and led to my becoming ordained as a rabjung and travelling to Dharamshala and south India for further studies.
I decided to sell everything (Pentax camera, violin, racer bike, all my books) and buy a one-way ticket, with the aim of learning Tibetan and being able to study the texts and listen to teachings directly, without translation. Dharamshala was too full of Westerners for me to be able to immerse myself in the language and culture, so in 1989 I went to live in Sera Monastery in Bylakkupein South India, where few Westerners ventured. I taught English and learnt Tibetan, studying scriptures and generally living the life of a Tibetan monk in every respect (except that I was actually a Western woman ). I returned to the UK after four years in India.
My husband, Sonam Choephel, a refugee from Kham (who has his own story to tell) returned with me. So began a new phase in both our lives.
Sonam Choephel with Pema Chodron, as a baby
Our first child, Pema, suffered birth asphyxia which left her with profound disabilities.
With no stable home, and only a rucksack and a holdall between us to our names, we were thrown into parenthood, and caring for a severely disabled child. We went on to have three more children and eventually overcame obstacles – including lack of money/ home/jobs; lack of passport for my husband; difficulty in getting a visa from the Chinese authorities to visit family; lack of respite care for our daughter Pema – and managed to travel to Tibet, for two extended visits to our family, who live in a village near Ganze, Kham.
Looking across the Yarlung river, near Ganze,Kham , Eastern Tibet 2006
Over the years we also made many visits to friends and family in India.
Even though our three younger children complained that we never went on “normal”holidays like their friends (and still complain whenever their dad plays Tibetan music) they are proud of their Tibetan heritage and teach others of their generation about the Tibetan situation.
We feel very connected to our Tibetan relatives in Tibet, in India and now in the UK and Australia as well. I feel privileged to be an honorary member of the Tibetan community, as well as being connected through Tibetan Buddhism to other (Western) Buddhists in the UK Tibetans are so pleased when they discover that I can speak Tibetan, and even more so when they discover that I am a practising Buddhist and have met His Holiness the Dalai Lama on several occasions. From my side I feel incredible gratitude towards the Tibetan people for their kindness in passing on their spiritual heritage, showing such resilience in the face of unbelievable hardship, and generously sharing so much, in the spirit of friendship and openness, in the spirit of Buddha Dharma.
Nyima in London protesting against the Bejing Olympics
Sadly our eldest daughter Pema died in 2018, aged 22. Now, however, with the greater freedom this has brought to my life I am hopeful that I will be able to repay that kindness in some way by renewing my efforts to study and practise Buddhism and by supporting the Tibetan people, both inside and outside Tibet, in any way I can. Long Live His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
Lha Gyalo!
Tenzin and Khandro in Dharamshala
With family at nomad camp in Kham, Ganzi
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